I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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