i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
