3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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