I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
