BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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