i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
