need another drink. this is the easiest way
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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