So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
