You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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