Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
