ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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