if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
