Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
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I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
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when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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