You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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