haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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