i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
