id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
