u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the day after is always just damage control
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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