absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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