Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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