Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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