what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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