glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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