whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
