O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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