It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
