the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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