there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
