Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
