i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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