1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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