Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
