A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
