I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
