You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
