you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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