dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
