i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
