apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
