What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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