I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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