you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
