Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
