Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
