I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
