Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she pinky promised me she was 18
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
