i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize