Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
