You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
