Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
