i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
