yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
