well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
NoShamevember. You game?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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