Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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