she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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