Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
honey bunches of taint.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
