I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
