My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
