Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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