U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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