I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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