HIV tests are more positive than that guy
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
