Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Who died my cat blue again?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
