I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize