just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
