Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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