it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
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Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
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I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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