No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
