The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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