batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
