i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
