you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
