For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
