youre lurking in front of me
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
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there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
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This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!