I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
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Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
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Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.