That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Who the fuck stole my fridge again