So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex