my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
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So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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