Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
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Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
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Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.