Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.