dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
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I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
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So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there