I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I love you. Go after that dick
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?