last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
