he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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