he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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